Tuesday, April 14, 2009

5:32 PM

though no one really reads my blog, here i am still posting something new..

i'm sad today.. i miss him so much that it makes me cry.. i've been so used to having him with me that being apart is so difficult for me.. these past few nights, i've been having these urges to cry.. life seems to be so incomplete because he is just so far away..

this gives me so much stress.. it's so hard to wake up in the morning.. i don't have a reason to kasi i know that i won't be seeing him today.. classes are harder to bear without him.. it feels like i can't breathe right.. hai.. i'm so pathetic.. hehehe..

yun lng msasabi ko ngaun.. i miss him so much... :c

[some words i dont wish to say but i know u can feel it ]

Sunday, November 02, 2008

6:13 PM

damn all those people who think they're real! lahat cla pinlastic lng ako.. f*ck them all.. sorry for cursing.. i feel like i don't have a real friend in college.. like everyone's just going to lie to me.. what did i do to them?! really?!

am i such a bad friend na they would just pick up and leave?! what did i do?! i have always been there when they needed help, when they needed someone to talk to or for short i was their FRIEND.. do they not know what a friend is?! minahal ko cla like they were my brother or my sister.. i trusted them to be there for me.. but now.. nasan cla?! di pa din nagsisink in.. na i never really had a friend in them.. i was alone all along.. di ko alam baket nila ako tinatake for granted.. they have no right..

am i a good friend? thay actually made me doubt.. they're making me think that i'm not..

hai.. life again, sucks.. damn it..

[some words i dont wish to say but i know u can feel it ]

Saturday, June 07, 2008

4:50 PM

i feel so down today..
i know now that people are still superficial..
nobody isnt..
i guess i have to change..
to fit their norms..
to become one of them..
it sucks..
i thought it would be okei if i was myself..
i guess.. it would never be okay if i was different..
i'm sorry for not being as pretty as any other girl..
sorry for not being as slim as they are..
today.. i can say..
i have to change..
to feel accepted..
to feel appreciated..
i thought i never really had to change..
that i was already okay..
i guess my assumptions are not really okay..

[some words i dont wish to say but i know u can feel it ]

Saturday, May 10, 2008

7:42 AM

22 days to go!!! but i don't know if i could still wait that long.. hai.. pero, i have waited before.. bket parang mas mhrap mghintay ngaun?! i just don't get why.. hehe.. antagal tagal pa.. lalong humahaba mga oras.. damn it.. nhhrapan ako, infairness.. pero, aun.. dpat kayanin ko nga nmn.. hai.. hhhhmmm.. anu bang mgandang gawin?! wla akong mgawa dito.. nkakatamad nmn mag-pc.. hai.. pwede bng tulugan ko na lng ang 22 days na toh?! para june na agad.. hai.. sad..

[some words i dont wish to say but i know u can feel it ]

Sunday, May 04, 2008

5:55 PM

matagal na akong di nakapagpost.. hehehe.. sobrang mgiging weird kasi toh.. after all my bitterness, biglang mgiging msaya.. hahaha.. i like posting dito sa blogger kc nobody really reads my blog anyway.. nd nobosy really bothers anymore.. at.. natatago ang aking url.. hehehe..

super saya ko ngaun!! baket?! baket?! tnatanong pa ba un?! as most of you might have heard(or nachismis sa inyo), i found the right one na.. hehehe.. and it feels great having him around.. i mean, for once in my life, i found the right person for me.. and i can say na i'm super content with everything that's happening between the two of us.. i mean, i could not ask for more.. we have so much in common na ngkakasundo tlaga kme.. i just hope it'll last longer.. well, sana forever na.. hahaha.. eeeewww, so mushy.. hahaha.. infairness, nagulo muna buhay ko before i knew what was really happening.. nasispeechless ako bigla.. hahah.. pero waiting really is the best thing to do.. kasi it will definitely be worth the wait.. i know he is.. hehehe..

wait, wait.. did you know na what happened to me was what i have also dreamed of? ung part na i would be the friend.. ops, oo ako nga ang friend.. and then when he discovers that i like him, he would turn me down.. wow, parang ako nanliligaw! haha.. tas i would avoid him, i would move on.. but then, when i'm almost over him.. he would be there being sweet again.. so cheesy.. haha.. pero that was what i dreamed of noon.. at sa lahat ng mga movies/tv series/stories i watched/read, i always liked the underdog.. coz i see myself as one.. so, if you like the characters who take others for granted.. aba, aba.. sana di ka ganun in real life.. hehehe..

change topic, i envy my friends.. kasi pwede clang gumimik ng gumimik.. i mean, i don't really get out of the house that much.. cguro twice a month lng.. sad noh?! hahaha.. tas they seem to be so mature na.. wla lng.. i feel like i'm being left behind.. feeling lng nmn.. i don't really know..

wlang sense ang aking mga sinasabi.. i'm just being spontaneous.. aun.. i miss you guys.. hehehe.. mwuah..

[some words i dont wish to say but i know u can feel it ]

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

5:36 PM

life's been harsh to me.. hehe.. yup.. nasaktan na nmn ako.. my tendency ako na magkagusto sa isang guy na wlang gusto sa akin.. hai.. this is like the.. hhhhmmmm.. the fifth time.. it just sucks.. ang malas malas ko!! i can't believe na i always end up on the losing end!! damn.. what's wrong with me?! is this what i get for all the bad things i've done?! sorry ha, pero i think i've been fairly nice and i haven't broken anyone's heart pa.. and i never had the guts to hurt other people!! why do people hurt me?! for just once, i want to be loved, to be pampered, to be taken cared of.. bket ganun?! is this my fate?! i don't get it.. why am i the one who's suffering?! why do i have to take all the pain?! sometimes i feel like i'm meant to be alone.. meant to be hurt.. meant to be JUST THE FRIEND.. kaya nga minsan i don't want to be friendly anymore!! look at what's happened to me?! again, i'm broken and alone.. wala akong jacob.. mali, mali.. ako pala ung jacob sa buhai nia and he plays bella in mine.. he can never have the best of both worlds!! i don't deserve to be taken for granted!! damn it.. i'm done with it!! i will fight back!! i will make him realize that he's the one who lost me.. someone as valuable as me!!

sorry sorry.. here i am.. typing away.. i'm just hurt.. i lost everything when i walked away.. i lost my pride.. i lost my heart.. how will i ever get it back?! damn.. i just hate it.. i still love him.. yup.. i still do.. i don't know if it's right to get back at him.. baka madoble ang karma sa akin.. i won't take any chances.. pero where's my good karma?! it's hard to deal with this.. i know it sounds stupid and mean.. pero kelangan ko ng taong pwede kong pagbalingan ng attention.. someone willing enough to be my jacob.. pero saang lupalop nmn ako hahanap ng ganung katangang lalaki?!?! this is just sad.. i feel so bitter, cold and empty..

will i ever find the courage to love again?!

[some words i dont wish to say but i know u can feel it ]

Sunday, November 18, 2007

2:18 PM

start na ng 2nd sem of my 2nd yr as a college student.. what can i say? nagmamature ba ako?! hhhhmmmm... cguro.. as a person, i have learned so many things.. nakakainis.. parang nagiging maxado akong independent.. its still not time for me to be that mature diba?!

change topic, mabigat ang sem na toh for me.. may trigo ako at chem.. huhuhu.. ayaw kong bumagsak.. xet.. i miss my barkada.. i can't wait for our next get- together.. hehehe.. pero when i'm with them, i feel as if i'm the only one still stuck with my high school self.. they have all matured in some way.. and i?! have not matured at all?! ewan ko lng.. hehehe..

lovelife?! hhhmmm.. haven't got one.. pero sa barkada namin, ako, c mop at c bah na lng ang wala.. and i feel no pressure.. xet, ang sarcastic ah.. hehehe.. actually natatakot ako.. natatakot na mapag-iwanan nilang lahat.. it's a scary thought.. being alone.. ayun.. nabobother lng ako sa thought na i will be the last..

acads?! everything is all right.. still hanging on.. ang hirap mag-aral mga friends!!

hehehe.. aun lng.. love yah all peepz!!

[some words i dont wish to say but i know u can feel it ]